I would give this essay a 6. It is well-crafted and nicely supported with details from the text; however, the student constantly refers to Wolsey as depicting himself a certain way when he or she should be referring to Shakespeare as the one doing so. The essay does not link back to the central question of how Shakespeare effectively shows Wolsey's emotion. The student clearly understands the passage but fails to completely address the prompt.
I feel that this essay deserves a score of a 7. It is apparent that the student understood the topic and stayed focused. The thesis is well structured which organizes the paper more effectively. There is also an example followed by sufficient evidence tying back to the complexity of Cardinal Wolsey’s response in most pieces of support mentioned. Vocabulary is not extremely impressive; some words could've possibly been substituted. Also, more elements could have been used (esp. mentioning of allusions).What makes this essay stand out over a 6 is the fact that the prose style is strong and conveys the ideas of the student clearly.
I'll give this essay a 7 because i think it was well supported though the writer could've used more literary terms. The writer was well organized and had effective illustrations, it explained how Wolsey felt; however it did not fully explain how Shakespeare used certain literary elements to make an impact on the reader.
In my humble opinion this essay deserved a six. The student does good job at pointing out the tools Shakespeare uses to convey to the reader Wolsey's emotions, however, I feel the student failed to adequately answer the second part of the question in that they did not sufficiently show the complexity of Wolsey's emotions. Although the thesis statement mentions multiple emotions, the essay itself fails to elaborate on sorrow or disgust and focuses more on anger. They also devote time to elaborating on Wolsey's feelings of "innocence" (that he didn't deserve what he got). Although they sufficiently support both of these ideas with the text, I don't think they did a good enough job of connecting them and thus Wolsey's emotions don't seem complex, rather they are just two sided. That being said, I would probably give this essay a six because although they supported their interpretation of the methods by which Wolsey's emotions are displayed with the text, they did not connect the two emotions in a way that would convey a since of complexity. An analysis that did show some complexity along with more advanced word choice could have easily made this a 7 or 8. Also, it seemed that they put a greater emphasis on the King than warranted (i.e. saying he was the chilling frost, blaming him for Wolsey's feelings, as opposed to the firing in general, etc.) Although this probably shouldn't effect the score, it did somewhat negatively effect my perception of the student. The student also seemed to constantly conflate who was writing and who really was using the literary tools he talked about.
I believe that this essay deserves a score of 8. The writer correctly describes that Wolsey's response is driven by different emotions such as sorrow, anger, and disgust and how they are portrayed through figurative language. The writer explains the metaphors used in the passage very descriptively, and uses them to show how Shakespeare displayed Wolsey's multi-layered response. The writer dhows how Wolsey progresses from sorrow to anger while still referencing Shakespeare's language directly through quotes and explaining how certain words and phrases depict Wolsey's response. He/she also extracts implied ideas from the passage such as Wolsey's "innocence", and his "hanging" which add to the way Shakespeare uses figurative language. The essay as a whole did not warrant a 9 due to the fact that it could've hit the mark better by using more elements such as allusions which would have impressed the scorer further. Finally, while it is obvious that the student is trying to explain how Shakespeare used figurative language, it would be better if he directly stated that it is Shakespeare using the language, not Wolsey. As we learned, the pronouns can get a bit confusing.
I score this essay as a seven. This student supported their ideas with quotes from the excerpt. The student not only explained what their quotes meant, but related them to how Wolsey was feeling and the thoughts that were probably running through Wolsey's mind. This essay contains an academic level of vocabulary and the student successfully got their point across. This student would have recieved a higher score had they mentioned the emotions that Wolsey was going through, and his state of mind, as the speech progressed.
I give this essay a 6, because although the student identifies several characteristics of Wolsey's "complex response" and elaborates on some examples of imagery and tone, the student largely fails to connect the figurative language and author's attitude to the emotions Wolsey displays. The student never explains how the metaphors and tone characterize Wolsey as angry, sorrowful, or digusted, and instead focuses on Wolsey's reported proclamation of innocence. Thus, the student's argument lacks contingency and support for the thesis. They used some quotes and identified some literary elements, but they are not connected to the work as a whole.
I would grade this student's essay a 6. In the introduction paragraph, the student immediately identifies the elements Shakespeare uses and also addresses the mixed emotions of Wolsey. The student also includes direct quations from the passage as support. What separates this essay from a 9 scoring essay is overall support of their thesis statement. While they clearly understood the prompt (as seen in their thesis), they did not execute it fully.
I would give this essay a 7. It was well written and gave a clear and direct thesis statement. Although the student understands that shakespeare uses different metaphors through elements, they fail to connect it to Shakespeare's overall point of view on Wolsey's emotions. The student gave good examples to back up quotes they reffered to in the play, but they could have used better word choice and less words repeated.
I would give it a 5. I think that the student had a good thesis and didn't know how to explain it so that other people could understand. I think the student also was repeating what was in passage or giving a summary. He also did not explain how the character showed that he was disgusted, not completely explaining his thesis.
I would give this essay a 6. The student gives a clear thesis and it is easy to see that he or she knows the topic very well; however, the analysis does not go in depth enough for a higher scoring essay. The student does a good job of telling what devices Shakespeare uses but never goes back to detail the devices further. The essay needed to have further elaborated in the elements described in the thesis. The support is there, but the connection is missing.
In my opinion, this essay deserves a 6. Although the student failed to connect Shakespeare's use of rhetorical devices to Wolsey's complex response, the student adequately, though not in depth, supported their thesis with specific references to the text using examples of figurative language, such as the metaphors comparing "the blossoming flower" and "the wanton boys" to Wolsey's current condition. Furthermore, the student's word choice lacks maturity, hindering the student from fully expressing their thoughts. Had the student provided a more concise analysis of Wolsey’s range of emotions connected to Shakespeare’s use of elements, utilized eloquent diction and mentioned the allusion to "The Fall", they may have easily received a score of 7 or 8.
I would give this essay an 8. The reason for this scoring is because the person answered the prompt question directly to the point with specificity included in details. How the character was portrayed in this essay was exact. The writer used examples of the character's mood in the prompt and how Shakespeare used literary elements to convey the message. He also did not summarize the poem and used a great amount of vocabulary.
I would score this essay with a 7, because it provided clear details and explanation. The examples the student provided had sufficient evidence. I do feel the essay could have been more put together, because it was kind of all over the place. Also some points didn’t quite grab my attention. Other than that it was a well structured essay, and I could tell the student understood the thesis. I fell this essay has potential to be a 8 or 9 with a few corrections.
I gave this essay a 6 because the writer of the essay, though, they were able to use ample support to convey Wolsey's discontent about the dismissal, such as the flower metaphor, they were unable to connect it back to shakespeare.
I like the topic in this site i can relate it with my paper.
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I would give this essay a 6. It is well-crafted and nicely supported with details from the text; however, the student constantly refers to Wolsey as depicting himself a certain way when he or she should be referring to Shakespeare as the one doing so. The essay does not link back to the central question of how Shakespeare effectively shows Wolsey's emotion. The student clearly understands the passage but fails to completely address the prompt.
ReplyDelete-Rachel
I feel that this essay deserves a score of a 7. It is apparent that the student understood the topic and stayed focused. The thesis is well structured which organizes the paper more effectively. There is also an example followed by sufficient evidence tying back to the complexity of Cardinal Wolsey’s response in most pieces of support mentioned. Vocabulary is not extremely impressive; some words could've possibly been substituted. Also, more elements could have been used (esp. mentioning of allusions).What makes this essay stand out over a 6 is the fact that the prose style is strong and conveys the ideas of the student clearly.
ReplyDeleteI'll give this essay a 7 because i think it was well supported though the writer could've used more literary terms. The writer was well organized and had effective illustrations, it explained how Wolsey felt; however it did not fully explain how Shakespeare used certain literary elements to make an impact on the reader.
ReplyDeletewho is "K.C."? Karla....?
ReplyDeleteohh i forgot to write my name
ReplyDeleteKarla a.k.a KC
sorry..... :)
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteIn my humble opinion this essay deserved a six. The student does good job at pointing out the tools Shakespeare uses to convey to the reader Wolsey's emotions, however, I feel the student failed to adequately answer the second part of the question in that they did not sufficiently show the complexity of Wolsey's emotions. Although the thesis statement mentions multiple emotions, the essay itself fails to elaborate on sorrow or disgust and focuses more on anger. They also devote time to elaborating on Wolsey's feelings of "innocence" (that he didn't deserve what he got). Although they sufficiently support both of these ideas with the text, I don't think they did a good enough job of connecting them and thus Wolsey's emotions don't seem complex, rather they are just two sided. That being said, I would probably give this essay a six because although they supported their interpretation of the methods by which Wolsey's emotions are displayed with the text, they did not connect the two emotions in a way that would convey a since of complexity. An analysis that did show some complexity along with more advanced word choice could have easily made this a 7 or 8. Also, it seemed that they put a greater emphasis on the King than warranted (i.e. saying he was the chilling frost, blaming him for Wolsey's feelings, as opposed to the firing in general, etc.) Although this probably shouldn't effect the score, it did somewhat negatively effect my perception of the student. The student also seemed to constantly conflate who was writing and who really was using the literary tools he talked about.
ReplyDeleteP.S. Ms Hurst, the posting times seem to be three hours behind real time...
ReplyDeleteno, I commute. I live in Los Angeles
ReplyDelete:)
I believe that this essay deserves a score of 8. The writer correctly describes that Wolsey's response is driven by different emotions such as sorrow, anger, and disgust and how they are portrayed through figurative language. The writer explains the metaphors used in the passage very descriptively, and uses them to show how Shakespeare displayed Wolsey's multi-layered response. The writer dhows how Wolsey progresses from sorrow to anger while still referencing Shakespeare's language directly through quotes and explaining how certain words and phrases depict Wolsey's response. He/she also extracts implied ideas from the passage such as Wolsey's "innocence", and his "hanging" which add to the way Shakespeare uses figurative language. The essay as a whole did not warrant a 9 due to the fact that it could've hit the mark better by using more elements such as allusions which would have impressed the scorer further. Finally, while it is obvious that the student is trying to explain how Shakespeare used figurative language, it would be better if he directly stated that it is Shakespeare using the language, not Wolsey. As we learned, the pronouns can get a bit confusing.
ReplyDeleteI score this essay as a seven. This student supported their ideas with quotes from the excerpt. The student not only explained what their quotes meant, but related them to how Wolsey was feeling and the thoughts that were probably running through Wolsey's mind. This essay contains an academic level of vocabulary and the student successfully got their point across.
ReplyDeleteThis student would have recieved a higher score had they mentioned the emotions that Wolsey was going through, and his state of mind, as the speech progressed.
I give this essay a 6, because although the student identifies several characteristics of Wolsey's "complex response" and elaborates on some examples of imagery and tone, the student largely fails to connect the figurative language and author's attitude to the emotions Wolsey displays. The student never explains how the metaphors and tone characterize Wolsey as angry, sorrowful, or digusted, and instead focuses on Wolsey's reported proclamation of innocence. Thus, the student's argument lacks contingency and support for the thesis. They used some quotes and identified some literary elements, but they are not connected to the work as a whole.
ReplyDeleteI would grade this student's essay a 6. In the introduction paragraph, the student immediately identifies the elements Shakespeare uses and also addresses the mixed emotions of Wolsey. The student also includes direct quations from the passage as support. What separates this essay from a 9 scoring essay is overall support of their thesis statement. While they clearly understood the prompt (as seen in their thesis), they did not execute it fully.
ReplyDeleteSarah Rein
I would give this essay a 7. It was well written and gave a clear and direct thesis statement. Although the student understands that shakespeare uses different metaphors through elements, they fail to connect it to Shakespeare's overall point of view on Wolsey's emotions. The student gave good examples to back up quotes they reffered to in the play, but they could have used better word choice and less words repeated.
ReplyDelete~Camile Hall~
I would give it a 5. I think that the student had a good thesis and didn't know how to explain it so that other people could understand. I think the student also was repeating what was in passage or giving a summary. He also did not explain how the character showed that he was disgusted, not completely explaining his thesis.
ReplyDeleteFranska
I would give this essay a 6. The student gives a clear thesis and it is easy to see that he or she knows the topic very well; however, the analysis does not go in depth enough for a higher scoring essay. The student does a good job of telling what devices Shakespeare uses but never goes back to detail the devices further. The essay needed to have further elaborated in the elements described in the thesis.
ReplyDeleteThe support is there, but the connection is missing.
-Keturah
In my opinion, this essay deserves a 6. Although the student failed to connect Shakespeare's use of rhetorical devices to Wolsey's complex response, the student adequately, though not in depth, supported their thesis with specific references to the text using examples of figurative language, such as the metaphors comparing "the blossoming flower" and "the wanton boys" to Wolsey's current condition. Furthermore, the student's word choice lacks maturity, hindering the student from fully expressing their thoughts. Had the student provided a more concise analysis of Wolsey’s range of emotions connected to Shakespeare’s use of elements, utilized eloquent diction and mentioned the allusion to "The Fall", they may have easily received a score of 7 or 8.
ReplyDelete- Laura
ReplyDelete=]
I would give this essay an 8.
ReplyDeleteThe reason for this scoring is because the person answered the prompt question directly to the point with specificity included in details. How the character was portrayed in this essay was exact. The writer used examples of the character's mood in the prompt and how Shakespeare used literary elements to convey the message. He also did not summarize the poem and used a great amount of vocabulary.
I would score this essay with a 7, because it provided clear details and explanation. The examples the student provided had sufficient evidence. I do feel the essay could have been more put together, because it was kind of all over the place. Also some points didn’t quite grab my attention. Other than that it was a well structured essay, and I could tell the student understood the thesis. I fell this essay has potential to be a 8 or 9 with a few corrections.
ReplyDeleteI gave this essay a 6 because the writer of the essay, though, they were able to use ample support to convey Wolsey's discontent about the dismissal, such as the flower metaphor, they were unable to connect it back to shakespeare.
ReplyDeleteThe essay scored a 6 - remember a 5 is considered "adequate." Happy to see so many of you close to the mark.
ReplyDelete:-)
I like the topic in this site i can relate it with my paper.
ReplyDeleteAnd if you are looking for some definition within you paper. bestessays is the site you wanted to visit because you can also find it there the things you want to look for.